At many times in my adult life, I have tried to live according to my own desires rather than what I had been taught by society or familiar patterns.
For example, when I graduated from college, I had every intention of owning my own business and freelancing, but without a mentor to help me, I was lost and baffled on how to sign clients, so I decided a steady full time job would suit me better.
There was the time I launched my jewelry business to crickets. There was the time I tried again to freelance when I moved to Seattle and again decided the ease of working full time at an organization would suit me better.
All of these decisions I made were influenced by my beliefs, values, and my emotional state. This is how we humans make decisions.
I believed that I was too young to have my own business; that I was not good with numbers; that there was a scarcity of opportunity.
I valued security, hard work, and predictability.
My emotional state was stressed out, anxious, and doubtful of my own abilities.
All of these conditions created the perfect environment within, for me to lay back and depend on something, an entity, a company, to pay me. To me, this was the safe thing to do.
However, I distinctly felt that I was not in flow or aligned in my life. My time and energy was being spent in ways that did not align with my deeper foundational values of connection, vitality, play and expression, community, and nature.
Instead of being in a state of self authorship and being conscious of what I was creating in my life, I was making decisions by default, on autopilot, based on beliefs, and values that were deeply ingrained in me, and by default emotional states that I went to in times of uncertainty.
What you can do to enter flow state
To enter the flow state and true alignment with our deep core values in our lives requires quite a bit of self reflection and courage. It requires self reflection so that we can see what we’re dealing with in terms of default states, default decision-making, and patterns. After the self reflection comes taking small steps to creating feedback loops that accelerate the process of our stepping into new patterns and therefore potential.
To approach repatterning your life in a passive way is futile. New learning is experiential, so the self reflection and creating new feedback loops requires active engagement. Here are some steps:
- Notice when you feel that you are in flow and alignment, and document those times.
- Examine your values, beliefs, and default emotional states so that you can make shifts that support expansion. Remember that small shifts can have a big impact on your experience.
- Notice when you are not in flow or alignment: this can look like resistance, judgements, doubts, fear, wounds, sabotage or limiting beliefs coming up. As you become more aware of these thoughts coming up, ask yourself, “Why am I having this thought?” so that you can understand yourself.
- Shift from using your mind to make decisions to asking for guidance from your guides and your intuition.
- Prioritize joy in your life.
- Shift your language and be careful to use generative language, excluding phrases like “I want” and “I hope”
- Recognize when you are a “fuck yes” to something versus a maybe or a no–in my experience this is felt as an overwhelming desire and can often be a somatic experience of excitement.
- Restore your personal power and take 100% responsibility for your life.
What it takes
Over time, I repatterned by values and beliefs, letting go of what does not align with my highest version of myself. Now I hold the beliefs that I have 100% responsibility for my experience, that I have all the tools I need, and that everything I want is available to me.
It took a lot of personal development and deep core commitment to growth to repattern what I have learned throughout my life–which has served me and kept me safe in various ways.
It took a major traditional rite of passage of sitting on the mountain for me to let go of life as I have been taught, and guidance and support from confidantes and mentors.
It has often been painful. The urge to go back to those default emotional states was often strong. Now it’s not.
What will become possible for you when you let go of society’s and familial patterns?